Extract from “Dear S, I am trying not to follow you”

   to be alone
is to hear the true state of my mind
its thoughts that pour
to plead with myself to be better
to beg myself to open the windows
to switch back on the lights
i am rotting inside this body
and to be alone is to smell
what I have become
to feel the emptiness trying to escape
to see me without you
to see my fate decided without me
to see our children without you
to see them look for you and know
they will never find you
to close my eyes
and try to crawl back into my mother’s womb
and remember who i was before this place

 - Qhali